Growing up I always had a passion for music. I played trumpet for a while and then some guitar, never really thought to make a career of it. But there is something about music that ignites a passion within me and it seems like it has helped me heal. There is one song that really hit me hard during this past year. It is “Impossible” by Lacey Sturm. These lyrics identified so much with what I was feeling and still feel.
I often felt like I couldn’t make it another [insert any amount of time here]. Some days it felt like I could barely make it through minute-by-minute let alone an hour without the wrenching pain that was within me. I wanted nothing more for it to stop but I knew I had to keep going. I had to continue living, even if it wasn’t really me. Every day I sang along with this song. In a way it helped me become stronger. Now that I’m looking back, so much more time has passed than I ever thought I would make it through. This song explains perfectly how I feel. To me every day is a miracle because a part of my life died that day. I didn’t think I could go on without him. I know he wouldn’t want me to wallow. He would want me to live life to the fullest just as he did. He may not be here physically, but I can sense him encouraging me to carry on. And that is what I intend to do. So to honor him I keep going, I keep doing. Every day is a new day filled with new beginning’s, new memories, new possibilities.
Dealing with grief is different for everyone so I’m sharing two of my previous post’s just in case you find them helpful as well: Dealing with Grief: Things That Helped Me and Dealing with Grief: Things that helped part 2.
Are there any songs that have gotten you through tough times?
One of the ways that I have dealt with my grief is going on trips. If you missed my earlier post where I talked about the different things I have done to help me, you can find it here. The first time I was out of the house for more than 8 hours (aka work) was a girls trip to Sedona, Arizona. And my goodness, I want to go back. It is absolutely beautiful out there.
We drove up there for the day, at some lunch and walked around the shopping center and stopped for a drink and some snacks. Just enjoyed each other’s company and relaxed for a bit.
I was really just there to enjoy the ride. Everything was still speeding around me while I was just coasting through the days. I did enjoy being outside and getting some fresh air. It was really nice because my best friends from back home in Texas came out to see me and spend the weekend with me and my Arizona loves.
I was starting to make new memories that I could look forward to looking at in the aftermath. To me that is what was really important, since all that was surrounding me was negative or sad thoughts. I just needed some happiness to get things headed back in the right direction.
If you are wondering about the shirts we are wearing, memorial shirts were made for him. I designed that logo for Chris. It says Ride in Paradise, with his years and in the center is an H for Hendo or Henderson. It is kinda hard to tell it is an H but that is the style he would have wanted. He would have loved them. 🙂
I got lost in Netflix.
It is easy to do which I’m sure all of you know. I’m still powering through the last bit of Grey’s Anatomy. Which by the way, I haven’t watched before and I absolutely love this show! I rewatched my favorites like The Walking Dead and Orange Is The New Black. It was nice to be distracted from my life and some what invested in characters that don’t exist. Who am I kidding, I am completely emotionally invested in Grey’s Anatomy… I can’t help it.
The best thing was just getting out of the house.
I have found that going on little trips, helped me a lot. Some of my girl friends and I went to Sedona for the day one weekend and it was really nice. Going home to be with my besties and family also helped me. My besties and I have gone on a couple weekend trips and every time I feel like I find a little piece of myself that I lost. It also helps that I love to travel. If I can’t get away, away, I just go on a little drive around town so I can get some air.
Furrbabies are the best.
When Harley was alive she was the best getting me to move around and play with her. Busa likes to go on walks and play which helps as well. The best thing about both of them was the snuggles, getting to snuggle with them always helps. I also talk to Busa a lot, I think he understands me. I’m just a crazy dog lady, and I have no shame, haha.
Both Chris and I loved getting tattoos. The outward expression of moments in our life or things we enjoy about life, permanently on us to remind us of the good and even the bad that we made it through. The first tattoo I got for him says Stay Strong with 4.30.2016 underneath. When he was deployed both times, he would tell me to stay strong. Because he knew that with each other we could make it through. I have to stay strong for him, even with him gone.
Incase you missed part one, click here.
What are somethings that have helped you?